5 Ways to Parent a Precocious Child: Wisdom from Matthew and Marilla of Green Gables

January 12, 2022   |   Nicole Chavers Stratton

 

“Isn’t it splendid to think of all the things there are to find out about? It just makes me feel glad to be alive–it’s such an interesting world…” – Anne Shirley

Do you want this to be your child’s perspective on life? I know I do. I want my son to have a godly curiosity and imagination about the world around him. I want him to realize that there is no one else like him in the whole world and he was designed by an almighty all powerful God to do something that no one else in the whole world is designed to do in the same way he is. I want him to strive to be better every day. I want him to learn discipline and responsibility. I want him to own up to his mistakes and have the character to acknowledge them but not allow those mistakes to hold him back. Are we tracking yet on our desires for our children? Good! But now the question that inevitably follows: How do we put these desires into actions that can play out in our day to day living? Interestingly enough I was recently inspired by the most unlikely parenting duo, Marilla and Matthew Cuthbert from the beloved book ‘Anne of Green Gables.’ 

You see, one of my master’s students, Katie Venegas, has written the most delightful script based on this book and is currently working on producing it for it’s second run in The Logos Theatre. So, as I’ve been thinking a lot about this story recently, I’ve come to realize that there are some pretty profound truths in it on child rearing, that I hadn’t really thought of before. So, for anyone interested in some quick parenting advice from the Cuthberts, here you go!

 
#1: Teach a Child there are Consequences to Their Actions
 
We are living in a society that fights against the concept of absolute truth. It’s a sad thing but this philosophy of ‘you can have your truth, and I have mine’ has even crept into the thinking of Christians. The scary thing about this, besides it being completely unbiblical, is that it produces a society where we are afraid to tell our children that they have done something wrong. We have schools that are catering to the child’s desires instead of holding up a standard for them to be striving to attain. This is not only creating an entitled generation the likes of which we have never seen before, but it is also almost ensuring that they will never reach their God given potential. Excellence is a thing of the past because children can’t be told they are wrong and be made to face the consequences for their actions anymore.
 
This would not have flown with Marilla though! Now, Marilla may have been an elderly spinster faced with raising an imaginative and somewhat precocious orphan girl when all she really wanted was a boy to help out with the farm, but she wasn’t going to let that stop her from doing her best at raising Anne well. But it is the introduction of Anne to Marilla’s friend and neighbor, Rachel Lynde, that I’d like to focus your attention on for a moment. Here we see Rachel Lynde, who has a very strong prejudice against orphans in general, examining Anne during their first introduction. Mrs. Lynde finds her wanting to say the least, and proceeds to say so to Marilla right in front of Anne. This upsets Anne of course, as it would any child, and Anne lashes out to defend herself. For those of you familiar with the story, it’s quite a moment. Now, Anne’s behavior, though provoked by some real unkindness, was wrong. Which was one of the reasons I was so struck by how Marilla handled this situation. Though she realized and acknowledged to Anne Rachel’s wrong doing, she still fully expected Anne to face her own sins against Rachel, take responsibility for it, show respect to her elder, and apologize to Mrs. Lynde. WOW.
 
Unfortunately, I think the temptation for us today can be to protect our children from this sort of person and from them having to take responsibility in this way. It is especially hard for us when we feel our child has been wronged.  But when we do not support the authority of others, we actually undermine all authority in our children’s lives, including our own. Marilla does not deny that Rachel has done wrong. She tells Anne that what Rachel said to her was unkind, but she helps Anne focus on her own wrongdoing and insists that Anne make it right. Anne’s apology leads to a softening of Rachel’s heart and allows her to also apologize and the two begin to have a relationship. A relationship that would have never happened mind you if Marilla had not been willing to tell Anne she was wrong and help her face the consequences with integrity.
#2: Balance the Practical and the Precocious
A child’s imagination is an amazingly powerful thing. We all recognize that, and I think in the case of Matthew and Marilla we see a wonderful example of lovingly balancing the way you approach that as being a large part of a child’s development. Anne lives so much in her imagination and Marilla is constantly trying to get her to see reality, however, Matthew is also there, taking true joy in delighting Anne’s heart. I think of the scene where Marilla is convinced Anne does not need a dress with puffed sleeves. It just wasn’t practical. But Matthew saw it instead not as something that would flatter her vanity, but a good and lovely thing that would delight Anne and her love and appreciation of beautiful things. It’s a fine balance to strike. But in the end, they knew Anne, just as you know your child, and they were able to balance their approach based on that knowledge of what they knew Anne really needed.
 
I relate to this in such a real way as I was quite the imaginative child. For several years I imagined I had a dog. I would use the desire for the dog as my reasons for not being able to sleep at nap time or for misbehavior. I can remember saying to my Mother, ‘But Mommy, if I only had a dog.’ I would not only use it as an excuse but I began to see my imaginary dog so clearly in the world around me that I would sometimes burst into tears if a family member unknowingly sat on him or denied his existence. It was at first endearing but as time went on my parents decided it was time to give my imagination a reality check. Yes, you guessed it, they got me a dog. A little white poodle named ‘Prissy.’ They didn’t want me to lose my ability to imagine but they wanted to let me see that while having a dog in my imagination was fun and all roses, having a real dog was quite another matter. There were messes to clean up, walks to be given and many things that would need to be done that I never had to do for my imaginary dog. They wanted me to see that while imagination is important, we were meant to live in reality. Anne loved her puff sleeved dress, but I’m sure that even she enjoyed her simple, comfortable and ‘practical dress’ much more after spending several hours in the dress of her dreams. Imagination was not meant to help us escape reality but to help us discover ways to improve it.
#3: Let Experience Be One of Their Teachers
All of us want our children to learn and grow. However, there are times when difficult experiences or challenges can be just the thing that will help them best to grow. And while we would never put our children in danger, there is nothing wrong with giving them responsibility that will bring out the best in them. I think specifically of when Anne is responsible for entertaining Diana Barry for tea. In this particular case, it didn’t end well, in fact, Anne accidentally serves some alcoholic cordial and Diana ends up intoxicated…however, when faced with this situation, Marilla recognizes firstly that an honest mistake is quite different from knowing action. But secondly, and more importantly, she sees how it is an opportunity for Anne to learn and mature through the experience. There is a quote that I love from the book, “Next to trying and winning, the best thing is trying and failing.” Marilla and Matthew gave Anne the opportunity to experience life—-They allowed competition and failure. And when she failed, when she made mistakes, they were there to help her, encourage her, and teach her how to improve.
#4: Purpose is Determined by God, Not the Parent
 

Something particularly inspiring to me is the way Matthew and Marilla leave open doors for Anne’s future. They saw her gifts and abilities, and they fostered them, but they didn’t put her in a box because of them. They pushed her towards excellence in all areas, not just the ones she was gifted in. And as she got older, and romance came more into the picture, they still did not push her towards anything, they simply encouraged her to be the best she could be and let the rest happen in the right timeline. And certainly in the case of Anne, this was of paramount importance. She had dreams—big ones, and allowing her to experience life for herself and see that the grass wasn’t always greener on the other side of the fence, prepared her to not only excel in her calling as a teacher, but also embrace it with joy.

#5: Showing a Heart of True Love
The story of Anne of Green Gables begins because Matthew needed a boy to help him on the farm. But when he meets Anne, it’s not about what he needs anymore, instead he sees a child who needs a family. And with true love and care for her, Matthew and Marilla put Anne’s needs before their own. And in the end, that is what God has called all of us as parents to do. But what blessings that brings! A truly precious moment towards the end of the story is when Matthew tells Anne, “Well now, I’d rather have you than a dozen boys, Anne. Just mind you that — rather than a dozen boys. Well now, I guess it wasn’t a boy that took the Avery scholarship, was it? It was a girl — my girl — my girl that I’m proud of.” The blessing of seeing Anne excel and grow into the person God intended her to be was beyond what either Matthew or Marilla could have ever imagined. And isn’t that the way it always works? As much as we may sacrifice for our children, we can say with the Apostle John, “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth” (3 John 4).
Marilla and Matthew Cuthbert lived honestly. They didn’t go to a parenting seminar, and they didn’t try to win the best parents of the year award. They were characters that simply lived their lives according to truth. They expected respect, gave respect to others, owned up to their mistakes, and expected Anne to live up to her mistakes. Though the Cuthbert family does not fit into the traditional mold, the principles that shine through in the story are the same ones that keep families strong and thriving today. As The Logos Theatre prepares to open Anne of Green Gables this January, I encourage you to bring your whole family and experience all the joy, laughter, and love that has made this story a favorite for more than 100 years. We can’t wait to see you there!
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